I feel like right now I'm living in the waiting. It's that space between moments. The space before something needing to happen. When I was a little kid my Mom taught me about prayer and how God answers through me wanting a puppy. I wanted a puppy bad. So I prayed and prayed for a puppy and a puppy never seemed to come. Mom taught me that God answers our prayers with either a "Yes|Right Now" "Maybe|Wait For It" or "No|This Is Not What Is Best For You". She told me that God was probably answering for my puppy "Maybe|Wait For It". My job was continue praying and asking God and wait on Him. A few weeks later I got a puppy. I call this "living in the waiting". It's the hardest place to be in my opinion. Just waiting on God. Praying in faith for Him to do something and take care of you like He says He will do... and then waiting on him. I'm stuck in the middle of the waiting. I'm trying my best to persevere through it but, it's getting hard. My Mom calls these times "a crisis of belief". For those who don't know my Mom has been the largest consistent spiritual influence in my life. It's almost like I'm at the point of breaking. I'm at the point of being stretched so thin... It's just hard. Do I still believe and trust in God's promises? Yes. It's just easier to say "God has something better coming up for you." Than to live in the waiting for that to happen.
"God grant me the strength to rest in You. I lift my hands and cry, "How long till Your voice speaks clearly? How long till Your arms envelope me?" I cry, "Be my strength when I am weak." Oh Lord, have mercy on me... mercy on me please.""
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